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Why has cheating suddenly become

easier? Why are more people increas-

ingly cheating on their loved ones? In

this final part, Lanre Olusola evaluates

some of the most common excuses…

CHALLENGING TIMES

Sometimes the situations and circumstances we find ourselves in

may get to us, especially during very difficult and challenging times.

At such times we may be confused and the understanding, attention

or even sometimes the support we get from other people influence

our actions and we get into a relationship we never planned for.

According to one of the ladies I spoke to, once she finds that her

partner has cheated on her she will break up the relationship. Her

reason being that forgiving is a sign of weakness and acceptance of

infidelity; this she believes may encourage a re-occurrence. She also

thinks that if you forgive the cheat, he may lose all respect for you

and continue the act simply because he thinks he can get away with

it again and again. So punishing the cheat by breaking up with him

is her solution. “Never take him back”she says. But my question to

her was – How many people in your lifetime would you then have a

relationship with?

BEING MISTREATED

If your partner is mistreating you, your first reaction may be to get back at

him, especially in a situation where you have complained over and over

again. Another instinct may be to get away from him or her; sometimes this

is not really as simple as it sounds, especially when you have been in that

marriage for a long time and children are involved. It is natural to feel

trapped in a seemingly bad relationship. One of the most natural reactions

may be to run into the open arms of a person who seems to be treating you

well in comparison to your partner.

For some “Revenge” becomes theoption – “an eye for an eye”. If he can

cheat on me, so can I. After all, whatever a man can do a woman can also

do, and do even better. What makes it a “man’s world”? So if your partner

continues to cheat on you, hurt you or abuse you in some way, you will also

continue to repay him in his own coins.

The Truth of the matter here is that it’s YOU you’re

further hurting not him.

COMPLACENCY

In relationships of long standing, partners some-

times can get complacent. Your partner may begin

to take you for granted - he stops appreciating you,

complimenting you, stops telling you how much he

loves you, he stops buying you gifts, he even takes

it for granted that you know these things and under-

stand (In such situations you may begin to feel less

confident with yourself and begin to wonder

whether you are still attractive, especially if when

you were single you got a lot of suitors who always fell over themselves, thus

signifying how hot you were as a single lady). Then someone comes along

who regularly compliments you, telling you how beautiful you look; before

you realize it, you will daily begin to play to the gallery, dressing for him,

making sure you see him or speak to him regularly – his comments about

your looks will begin to give you a boost and before you know it, you’d have

started a side relationship with this guy, just on the basis of a “Re-affirma-

tion of your beauty and attractiveness”.

JUST FOR THE THRILL

Some people just like to live on the edge, they enjoy the thrill of being given

attention by the opposite sex, they also like giving the opposite sex attention,

the idea of cheating thrills them. They love running around secretly, risking

getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.

LACK OF FORMALITY

Some relationships do not draw the line, they usually permit and have grey

areas, for example usually before your relationship becomes exclusive the

guy thinks that date #6 is when you concluded and agreed to be “together,”

but you may think that it happened during date #2. At the point where they

had not made their relationship exclusive they do not consider their actions as cheating. So if you do not draw the line and talk about exclusivity, your

partner may think that he or she is well within their rights to see other peo-

ple, even though the other person in the relationship may not.

There are many reasons people cheat — too little attention, too much

attention from the other party, fear, boredom e.t.c? For some, it may be the

excitement and thrill— the promise of being naked with someone new.

According to Dione this is what works for me

“I never kissed John, although I desperately wanted to.” This is my strate-

gy for ducking temptation. It’s not that I imagine my husband’s handsome

and loving face or the notion of telling myself it’s just not worth it, and

thinking that I don’t want to throw it all away.

Instead, every time I have a strong urge, each moment I find myself

attracted to someone and I begin to want to start flirting, I

immediately tell my husband. Because once I confess to

him my lust dwindles and I lose interest. Of course, having

a conversation about a potential infidelity is not easy — I

remember when I told my husband about John, he was

understandably very upset. But two things happened: we

both became closer, and John immediately lost his sheen.

I took the mystery right out of it and made my marriage

stronger in the process.

In conclusion we may not all understand why people

don’t break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat.

Temptation can seem like a very natural thing; but is temp-

tation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire and that you may need to

work harder at it or is it a good reason to cheat on your partner?

So what reasons would you add to this list, and do you disagree with

any? If you’ve ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheat?

If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship,

does that make you a cheat?

We would like to hear your views, and also learn from your experience,

please write to us .