Trust me; it’s not always true that mothers know best, at least not when it comes to matters of the heart! My mum thought she knew what was best for me when it came to the choice of who I should marry, and then she

robbed me of a chance to walk up the aisle with the man of my choice when I was 30. 8 years on, I am still single!

May mum’s sweet soul rest in peace but on every anniversary of her death I can’t help but remember her role in rendering me husbandless. I sometimes remember her with bitterness. They say time heals every hurt

but not the kind of hurt that came between me and a fantastic opportunity to be the lawfully wedded wife of a man I truly loved. Tribalism and ethnicity shall always be the bane of this country even though I do admit that things have changed for the better. My parents were very tribalistic, my mum especially! I could always get dad to see reason

but not mum; she would always say things like ‘omo ibo’ each time she had to talk about my friends from the east. She would spit out the words the way oyinbo man would say ‘nigger.’ Dad got tired of reprimanding her and just let her be. Mum was very domineering and no one  won in an argument with her. Trust my luck to fall in love with an ‘omo ibo.’ Christopher was every woman’s dream guy; tall, humorous and… intelligent as I discovered later. I was crazy about tall guys, perhaps because I’ve got heights too. He was a confident guy; his confidence

oozed forth and being confident too we seemed a good match for each other. Our meeting isn’t anything out of the ordinary; we met at a party and having given him all the signs so he could ask me for a dance and he still didn’t respond, I decided to to ask him. Surprisingly, he jumped at the chance and later told me that he’d have his eyes on me all evening. “You were the first person I noticed when I walked into the party” “You’re kidding me” I asked flirting with him as we danced “Yep, I had my eyes on you but you beat me to it. That’s good because I

might still be sitting there and planning my moves”

“Count today as your lucky day then” I teased

“You’re tall…my kind of woman”

With music over, he led me back to my seat and pulled one for himself. We chatted like old friends and with party over he asked me for my number. “You will call?” I asked in a faint voice “Try and stop me” he grinned

He did call and that was the beginning of a romance that that bloomed and blossomed. He was my best kept secret (from mom) although my siblings and close friends knew all about us. The few times I tried to have an intimate time with mum, she’d upset me by her caustic remark which ended with; “Don’t bring omo ibo to this house o” and then a long hiss!

“But mom…”

“I know you are going out with one of them, I have seen you rolling your eyes and yet you have not brought him home. Is it not because he is omo ibo?”

Well that was it! But after Chris and I had dated for over 9 months he surprised me when out of the blue he asked when I would take him to meet his future parents-in-law?.

“Let’s take this relationship a notch higher or don’t I qualify”? I was over the moon and planted kisses all over his

fine face. “Of course you qualify ….!” I had run out of excuses! So one day, I happily (with a lot of apprehension) told

mum, dad and everyone else that I was bringing Christopher home. “As long as he is from our place, remember that you are my first born” was all she said as she gave me one of her infamous “Sheoo” hisses.

Later, I took my case to dad who simply said to me “you know your mother and her trouble…” dad was a real disappointment; he never was able to stand up to mum. Where did that leave me?

It was time someone dared mum, so I brought Chris home! The humiliation was too much to bear as mum was at her nastiest. She asked Chris questions in Yoruba even though she knew he was Ibo! Chris took it badly and that affected our relationship. Gradually, we just drifted. I thought mum herself would come around as I walked around the whole house like a jilted bride. But not mum…and then fate played a cruel one on me…

Mum died in an accident! Everyone thought that after mourning, Chris and I could patch it up but I didn’t think it was the thing to do since mom never approved. With the way mum spoke about Ibos I wasn’t sure she would not come back to hunt me If I married Chris. Dad had given me the GO-ahead but I felt like telling him what a disappointment he was to us his children. But then I felt he already sensed my resentment of him.

At 38, I am still single and searching…Chris? I heard he got married!