Turn The Heat Up Safely
e open with your partner. Don’t get carried away. Discuss safe sex. This sage advice has been drilled into us for years. However, we all know it’s not so easy to stay rational when he’s peeling your clothes off and every cell in your body is cheering, “Hooray!” Hormones, emotions and alcohol (if you drink them) have a sneaky way of overriding “I shouldn’t be doing this.” That’s why advance planning is key.
Why You Should Play It Safe
On one of those websites, I read that 12 million people contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) each year. That’s nearly 33,000 people a day! It’s not just HIV you need to protect against. Human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes, chlamydia, and gonorrhea are all highly contagious infections.
Unfortunately, women are far more prone to getting STDs than men are, and we’re more likely to suffer serious effects on our reproductive systems. So, insist on safe sex.
Good Things Come to Those Who Wait
Dating coach Nancy Slotnick, and founder of Cablight.com, says “ladies need to keep their panties on until they’ve discussed sex with a new beau – and defined what the relationship holds for both of them.” So don’t make a decision on the spot. Figure out your boundaries and communicate them clearly.
However, slowing down doesn’t mean you can’t give him a taste of what’s to, come.
Slotnick says. “I always advise women to kiss on the first date! The sexuality and chemistry has to be there and then continue to build momentum over the next few dates.”
If your willpower starts to wobble, stick to public places only. Remember, the reason for waiting isn’t to play hard to get; it’s to figure out whether you guys are on the same page.
Of course, not all relationships are meant to be long term. In “Sex and the City” terms, maybe you’re more Samantha than Charlotte. The wait may differ, but not the point: Make sure you’ve had a chance to actually talk about sex, not just do it. Which brings us to…
Let’s Talk About Sex
When you and Mr. Wonderful find yourself rounding third base and heading for home plate, you need to ask the serious questions – immediately. There’s no other way to get the information you want except to ask:
“When was the last time you were tested for STDs?”
“Was it before or after your last relationship?”
“Have you ever had herpes or genital warts?”
“Are you sure?”
YES, ask them, at least, it will do your head, heart and body some good.
The last question may seem a little odd, but it’s an important one. Most doctors will not test you for STDs unless you specifically request it. Many people assume that when a clinician draws blood, it will be tested for infections such as HIV. No. And doctors usually don’t check for herpes unless there are visible sores. Make sure your future bed partner knows this.
If he affirms your STD fears, take a breather and step back. Chronic STDs like herpes, genital warts or HIV require a whole different set of safe sex practices and partner communication. It doesn’t mean the relationship has to end; just get educated before you go any further.
If he answers no, proceed to the next step: condoms! In the best case scenario, he has one. In the worst, he doesn’t. Take charge by offering up your own condom. Yes, please carry one when you intend to have sex. If he accepts, you’re golden. If he pulls the old “it just doesn’t feel good,” you stop, dress and discuss. This is the danger zone. Only drastic measures will work.
The good news is you might be able to help him to rethink his condom stance with options that will rock his world. And if you’re too embarrassed to bring all this up, you’re simply not ready to have sex. If you can’t talk about it… then sister, you shouldn’t be doing it. Same for if you can’t trust him to be honest about his medical.
* If in doubt please abstain!
Be safe and have fun!
