My name is Bukola Oluonye and I am married to Edwin, who works as a pilot and together we have two daughters; 21 and 19. As for me, I’d say my first career is domestic engineering, meaning running the home. A lot of people don’t see running the home as a career on its own, but it is. If, however, you ask what I do for a living in the process, then I’d say counselling. I used to live in England with my two girls - I’d taken time off to go back to the University to study Psychology. So I counsel and in the course of counselling many people, I also discovered Forever Living products, which are aloe-vera based. I found out that this product works from the inside, right to the outside; so it kind of complements my domestic engineering, my psychology and my working inside out. I believe in working inside out and I believe in helping people do same. 

The Dilemma of Marriage

I feel obliged to come out and talk about my travail because I have come to realise that it is one thing people hardly talk about. I’m talking of the loss of identity and the seeming docility that come with marriage. While marriage is something every woman is supposed to look forward to, for me, it was my biggest trouble. I think it was hard for  me because I’m not really a conformist. I also think that because we weren’t truly educated about marriage in this society, a lot of us women don’t know what to expect. Straight from being young girls, we become mothers and then we become known as  mothers and subsequently lose our identity…. The fact that I wasn’t identified as ME anymore, but as Mama Alero or Iya Tosan really wasn’t interesting for me. Some other people, especially my husband’s friends referred to me as ‘Madam,’ which is a show of respect and which is actually supposed to be okay; but for me, it meant a loss of identity. And that can really get anyone thinking until one becomes aggressive, because one is losing self and self is very important in management, in work, at home and with people. That was my biggest challenge then; and it wasn’t my husband’s fault either. It was cultural.

Initially I was very submissive, you know very docile because I was scared of my marriage coming to an end. I conformed by force, stopped using my brain and literally depended on my husband to make or take decisions for me. The bad part  however was that resentment gradually set in, but I found out that it wasn’t necessarily against the person (that is, my husband), but the situation I found myself in…..