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Why has cheating suddenly become

easier? Why are more people increas-

ingly cheating on their loved ones? In

this final part, Lanre Olusola evaluates

some of the most common excuses…

CHALLENGING TIMES

Sometimes the situations and circumstances we find ourselves in

may get to us, especially during very difficult and challenging times.

At such times we may be confused and the understanding, attention

or even sometimes the support we get from other people influence

our actions and we get into a relationship we never planned for.

According to one of the ladies I spoke to, once she finds that her

partner has cheated on her she will break up the relationship. Her

reason being that forgiving is a sign of weakness and acceptance of

infidelity; this she believes may encourage a re-occurrence. She also

thinks that if you forgive the cheat, he may lose all respect for you

and continue the act simply because he thinks he can get away with

it again and again. So punishing the cheat by breaking up with him

is her solution. “Never take him back”she says. But my question to

her was – How many people in your lifetime would you then have a

relationship with?

BEING MISTREATED

If your partner is mistreating you, your first reaction may be to get back at

him, especially in a situation where you have complained over and over

again. Another instinct may be to get away from him or her; sometimes this

is not really as simple as it sounds, especially when you have been in that

marriage for a long time and children are involved. It is natural to feel

trapped in a seemingly bad relationship. One of the most natural reactions

may be to run into the open arms of a person who seems to be treating you

well in comparison to your partner.

For some “Revenge” becomes theoption – “an eye for an eye”. If he can

cheat on me, so can I. After all, whatever a man can do a woman can also

do, and do even better. What makes it a “man’s world”? So if your partner

continues to cheat on you, hurt you or abuse you in some way, you will also

continue to repay him in his own coins.

The Truth of the matter here is that it’s YOU you’re

further hurting not him.

COMPLACENCY

In relationships of long standing, partners some-

times can get complacent. Your partner may begin

to take you for granted - he stops appreciating you,

complimenting you, stops telling you how much he

loves you, he stops buying you gifts, he even takes

it for granted that you know these things and under-

stand (In such situations you may begin to feel less

confident with yourself and begin to wonder

whether you are still attractive, especially if when

you were single you got a lot of suitors who always fell over themselves, thus

signifying how hot you were as a single lady). Then someone comes along

who regularly compliments you, telling you how beautiful you look; before

you realize it, you will daily begin to play to the gallery, dressing for him,

making sure you see him or speak to him regularly – his comments about

your looks will begin to give you a boost and before you know it, you’d have

started a side relationship with this guy, just on the basis of a “Re-affirma-

tion of your beauty and attractiveness”.

JUST FOR THE THRILL

Some people just like to live on the edge, they enjoy the thrill of being given

attention by the opposite sex, they also like giving the opposite sex attention,

the idea of cheating thrills them. They love running around secretly, risking

getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.

LACK OF FORMALITY

Some relationships do not draw the line, they usually permit and have grey

areas, for example usually before your relationship becomes exclusive the

guy thinks that date #6 is when you concluded and agreed to be “together,”

but you may think that it happened during date #2. At the point where they

had not made their relationship exclusive they do not consider their actions as cheating. So if you do not draw the line and talk about exclusivity, your

partner may think that he or she is well within their rights to see other peo-

ple, even though the other person in the relationship may not.

There are many reasons people cheat — too little attention, too much

attention from the other party, fear, boredom e.t.c? For some, it may be the

excitement and thrill— the promise of being naked with someone new.

According to Dione this is what works for me

“I never kissed John, although I desperately wanted to.” This is my strate-

gy for ducking temptation. It’s not that I imagine my husband’s handsome

and loving face or the notion of telling myself it’s just not worth it, and

thinking that I don’t want to throw it all away.

Instead, every time I have a strong urge, each moment I find myself

attracted to someone and I begin to want to start flirting, I

immediately tell my husband. Because once I confess to

him my lust dwindles and I lose interest. Of course, having

a conversation about a potential infidelity is not easy — I

remember when I told my husband about John, he was

understandably very upset. But two things happened: we

both became closer, and John immediately lost his sheen.

I took the mystery right out of it and made my marriage

stronger in the process.

In conclusion we may not all understand why people

don’t break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat.

Temptation can seem like a very natural thing; but is temp-

tation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire and that you may need to

work harder at it or is it a good reason to cheat on your partner?

So what reasons would you add to this list, and do you disagree with

any? If you’ve ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheat?

If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship,

does that make you a cheat?

We would like to hear your views, and also learn from your experience,

please write to us .

Happenstance

It was the morning of the Pink Ball and there I was sweating the small stuffs! I was restive and needed to shake off a cloud that hung over my head and left me brooding. I was having something akin to bridal jitters. Hmmmmmm!

Then came a text message from my aburo, Aisha. It was full of inspiration like the many that came in earlier, except that it ended with instructions that I should go out and give alms to the poor. Wh-a-a-a-t? On a day like this? I exclaimed under my breath. I dismissed that part of the text and tried to settle down; after all, I couldn’t hold back the hand of time. It was D-day – ready or not. I took time to reflect on my life since the first Pink Ball and all I could think of was, what have I gotten myself into? My heart pined after my quiet life as a dutiful wife and devoted mother. …

The Genevieve Magazine Online JUNE, 2009 (THE PINK BALL EDITION) is now available at http://chicnicityllc.com

The Genevieve Pink Ball event was held to create awareness about breast cancer in Nigeria.
The event included a fashion show by Tiffany Amber (with celebrity models like Funke Akindele(JENIFA), Bellanaija(Bellanaija.com), Ruth Osime(This Day Style) and others.

Subscribe in the month of June, 2009 and receive a FREE 3 MONTH SUBSCRIPTION for a friend or family member, view exclusive pictures of the Genevieve Pink Ball event (only available in the online edition) and be automatically entered in our raffle draw to win some CHIC HOT items.

Benefits of subscribing online include Instant gratification (no more waiting), Instant accessibility to your digital magazine at all times, Secure payment with Paypal, Eco- friendly and much more.

To Subscribe or Read 3 FREE EDITIONS of Genevieve Magazine Olnline, visit: http://chicnicityllc.com

Neglected by mum, abused by an uncle and battered by dad… Kate tells the gruesome story of her childhood in an emotion-laden voice.

My name is Kate (not real name) and I am a student at the University of Lagos. For the sake of anonymity, I’d rather not disclose my department or level, because the story I’m about to tell is so embarrassing that it could get me stigmatised among my peers. Even as I speak, my experiences in life affect me, and have greatly affected my relationship with people, especially men. It is a story of total childhood neglect, for which I would blame my mother; gross child abuse and paedophilia, for which my animalistic uncle takes the blame, and childhood brutality, for which I will blame my father most.

I grew up bearing another man’s name (my mum’s husband’s) until I was about 17, when I was challenged by someone. All along though, I always suspected that things were just not right with me; you know, the usual kids’ feeling of neglect; of not being welcome or treated equally with the other kids; of not being allowed to watch TV like other kids, of not being bought Christmas clothes like the other kids…. My mother, probably because of the way she grew up - she was also a product of a broken home-never really cared about me. The ultimate for her was therefore to protect her husband and marriage, even at my own detriment. It was also clear that she was not comfortable having me around, most probably because I reminded her of her former husband, my father, whom she had come to hate.

There was this uncle of mine; he’s a very popular figure now; it was in his house that I spent most of my free time. At other times, I also stayed at my aunt’s place. Because of my mother’s unwelcome attitude, I was always shuttling between peoples’ houses. Interestingly, my uncle’s place was more like the home I needed, and so we’d go there during vacations; and he was always buying us chocolates - I think I was around five or six then. One afternoon however, I left my aunt’s place (my mum’s younger sister; I think she and my mum had issues) and went to stay at my uncle’s place. Things went well, until suddenly I noticed that he would come back from work and just take out his anger on me, apparently due to some frustrations at work, and because I was usually the only one at home. For no just reason, he would beat me silly, and thereafter strip himself naked and order me to go naked; then he would put his manhood in my mouth and force me to do real disgusting things until he came. It never ended there, as he also forced me to lick up every bit of his semen and swallow all. Any attempt to refuse was met with gruesome beating and this went on for four years. Yeah, that was how long I had to put up with it, because I had nowhere to go. More frustrating was the fact that I had nobody to report to; nobody, because as I said earlier, my mother was never close to me. Even on those occasions when I as much as summoned the courage to say “Mummy, do you know what uncle did?” I was usually met with series of hot slaps and a command to “shut up!!” And my uncle actually capitalised on that situation. He knew I was as good as an orphan.

His driver too

Even my uncle’s driver was not left out in this abuse. Usually he went to drop my uncle’s children, who were much older and in college off at school. Because of what I knew would happen if left alone with my uncle at home, I usually preferred to ride with them and be away from home, even if it was just for a while. On this particular occasion, I slept off in the car as we were coming back, but suddenly woke up to find the driver poking his fingers into my private part. I was so shocked that I tried to raise an alarm by crying out for help; but all I got even as I began to open my mouth was a vicious slap; I still call it the slap of my life; because after that I just shut up and endured the ignominy and cried all through. As usual, there was nobody to report to. Is it the uncle that was doing the same thing to me that I’ll go and tell, or is it the mum, who just wouldn’t listen?

The after-effect

Of course it got to me psychologically and I was always cold, sluggish and withdrawn. I was always crying, always sick and always throwing up – a result of the swallowed semen, but never able to unburden my heart to anyone. I couldn’t even tell my teachers at school because I was living under serious fear. I was like an unwanted child, so nobody ever asked about why I was always sick, let alone take me to the hospital. I finally left my uncle’s house when I was eight to live at my aunt’s. Now she also was hostile in a different way, and the bottom-line was that she didn’t want me around and therefore built a ‘block’ around herself, such that I couldn’t relate to her. She made it clear in her attitude that I was a burden that she just had to put up with. So I endured different levels of abuse and hostility; and became an introvert and also suspicious of people around me.

Nowhere to be found!

My mother for instance never taught me anything about sex. She was so detached from me that she didn’t even know when I started my menstruation, even though I was practically living with her then. I only noticed some blood stains all over my body, and I was still wondering about what was going on when our neighbour, a man, called me and gave me some tissues and money to get the necessary things to clean up. He was a married man who up until then hadn’t made any obscene gesture to me. So, he was purely out to help; knowing fully well that my mom would never bother. But instead of my mum being appreciative of the man’s gesture, she picked a quarrel with him and all hell let loose. All sorts of nonsense!

In fact my first education on sex was on TV via the late MEE Mofe Damijo’s show. I remember how I had to sneak into some neighbour’s room to watch this particular episode which was on sex education. Seeing my enthusiasm and knowing that I would never be allowed to watch it in my own home, the neighbour also promised to allow me watch subsequent editions. You could say all I know about sex I learnt from MEE’s show; and from my own findings. Even as I’m speaking to you now, I still haven’t told my mum of my experiences at the hands of her relative, because there has never been that kind of opportunity.

Lost And Found Dad

I didn’t meet my real father until I was around 17. Interestingly, dad wasn’t much better than mum in the final analysis. I lived in his house for about a month and I was thrown out. My education had been partly financed by my dad’s elder brother and myself, because I started working right after secondary school. Of course there was the initial euphoria of finding his lost daughter, and he showed so much love during that period. But I had this half-brother, who because we were almost within the same age bracket engaged me in the usual childish rivalry and arguments. Expectedly, that set the stage for my problems, because naturally, I was the guilty one. They say it doesn’t rain but it pours; my step-sister was getting married and she accused me of stealing her money, which was not true. I tried to let her see that she couldn’t just zero down on me because this was a time when we had so many people in the house, but she insisted and even took out of my lunch allowance as replacement. So during the engagement, I was the one that helped collect the money people sprayed her, and I simply took back my money. And then she went to report me to my dad that I’d stolen her money. And as hard as I tried to explain to my dad that she was the one that first took my money without my consent, he was not just ready to listen. So I became the thief in the house and they as much as possible tried to stigmatise me as a thief in the neighbourhood. Dad even bought different sizes of canes, specifically to service me and one day, on the basis of some missing items and other lies, I was called out at the assembly at my father’s instance, stripped naked, and publicly flogged. All these at a time when I was in SS1 class!

Things generally became so unbearable for me in my father’s house that I knew it was a matter of time before the bubble burst. And it did burst. We had a disagreement over my intention to go and spend one Xmas at my aunt’s. He objected, whereas I insisted; and before I knew it, there was a face-off. He started chasing me round the house with his horse whip and whipped me until everyone stopped to watch. I was so angry that I didn’t know when I bent low, scooped up some sand and poured them directly into his eyes. Of course that was the end of my stay in his house as he threw my things out. A neighbour took me in for two weeks until my mother – I don’t know how she was able to talk her into it – came and took me away. All through my whole ordeal in my father’s house, she never knew anything because she never asked or checked on me.

After that she tried to be close to me and even tried to atone for her past misdeeds, but I guess it’s too late. We do have a relationship alright, but that closeness can just never be there. Even now, I practically live on campus as I have nowhere I can really call home.

First true friend

Believe me, the first time I ever unburdened my heart to anyone was when I was 23, and it was to my boss at work, whom I also played tennis with. In my attempt to take my mind off the different issues bothering me, I’d taken to tennis. But he noticed that I usually just packed my racket and disappeared as soon as a game was over, so he called me one day and was like “hey, can we talk over suya or drink” Initially my attitude was like what now! But he made it clear he was coming as a friend and nothing more. So we got talking and I told him every bit of the horrible experience I had bottled up and lived with all my life. And he was consoling, promising to be of help as much as possible. For you to know how much of a confidant he has become, I even told him I was coming to give this interview. And though he was against it, I made it clear I was telling the story because I wanted mothers out there to be aware of the dangers out there and maintain a close and cordial relationship with their daughters.

Why is she telling this story?

I was at the UNILAG Campus Genevieve Gathering; I’m an avid reader of Genevieve and I knew that a seminar from its stables, especially on sex education was always going to be very enriching. So I was the first girl in the hall – I even ignored my lecture for that afternoon, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Even at the end of the day, I still think that those girls that really should have been there to learn from the topic of the day were not there. Believe me, I’ve seen things. I’ve seen how girls live on the fast lane and practically murder themselves through wanton sex-capades and quest for money. I remember how a 100 level girl got impregnated and had to be aided by her boyfriend to abort it by inserting a long, curved iron (straightened clothe hanger) into her womb through her vagina to pull out the growing foetus. That was just a week before Genevieve came to the campus. Of course the girl died in the process. And that was not the first time such was happening on that campus. I have seen what lack of adequate parenting and counselling and childhood abuse can do to a person. And that’s why I’m telling this story. I am a living experience of some of these things and that was why it was not easy for me to place myself in the picture of turn-around or turning-point that Mr. Toyin Subair was painting that afternoon. He spoke well, but I just wanted to ask him how he expected an abused child like me to have a turning point. What was that turning point that can erase the memory of all that experience at the hands of my uncle?

Love Life

Absolutely none. I’m 28 but my experiences in life have taught me that marriage really is not the ultimate. I’ve seen so many failed marriages and so many violent and unhappy ones, that I might as well just live my life alone. Honestly I think that marriage is not for me. I can do without all those complications. Even my only attempt at a love affair ended up on a real sad note as the guy turned out to be the kiss and tell type.

Audrey’s remarkable dedication to fashion has engraved her name and face on the minds of many top designers all over the world. According to Donna Karan, ‘everything in this business is irreplaceable…not Audrey…she makes a difference…’ For decades, Audrey has committed herself to making fashion shows as memorable as they should be; training many who have since become icons in the industry and giving her longtime friends an incredible support. ‘ Our key ingredient is love…’ she says with enthusiasm. Making her indelible mark in the industry positioned her in the category of ‘New York’s top six entrepreneurs of 1998’…7One of her favourite things in the world remains a picture of herself sketched by Karl Lagerfield in 1975 and it constantly reminds her of why she so deeply respects his genius. In this fast paced interview with Motunrayo Bello and Kwevi Quale, the vivacious Audrey tells of her climb up the fashion ladder.

Becoming The Ground Crew…

I have lived by one quote through out my business years, ‘There’s only one way to do it…the right way…the Ground Crew way’. For years, there was a void in the fashion industry; many designers with fantastic designs didn’t have the right avenue to showcase their works. I came in to fill that void. The ground crew has been around for 30 years and in the beginning I did not have the opportunity to produce an entire show because the designers I met at the time thought they knew how to produce their shows. But as a former editor of a fashion magazine, I used to travel for shows in Europe and NY and I knew that backstage was total hysteria and I couldn’t imagine why any designer should put up with that. So, I did a little study before I started my own business, just so I could understand how things could be fixed; I came up with the decision that at every show, nothing will be missing (almost impossible, but we got it done) We put order in the business as models and stylists were co-ordinated and organized. Thus, I guarantee the designers that it will pay them to hire the ground crew because not only would we dress the models, we will ensure that the models are on time, in line to go down the runway when they are supposed to, with the right dress, right shoes, just the way the designer wants it and when it’s time to clean up after the show, everything will be in place.

Backstage production…

When we meet with a designer we talk about how many models they’ll be having at their fashion show. Most new designers have no idea what’s needed for backstage, so we put them through our own process. For instance, if you are having a fashion show with fifty models with thirty looks, then each model is going to wear two outfits; plus, we will provide you one supervisor and 7 or 8 ground crew dressers. Some designers want to have a dresser for every model, but if the model is only wearing 2 looks, then it really isn’t necessary. If we have 3, 4 or 5 looks per model or 1 model that’s going to be in 3 to 5 looks, we know how to do make that workright arrangement for them to go out on stage; we figure out what exactly every designer needs and we do about 200 shows a year.

Some designers don’t know that they need a ‘run-off’ show for every fashion event; it’s the order with which you want the clothes to come out. You’d be surprised how some designers get it wrong; they don’t have the racks set right, don’t have the models arranged correctly…we go in there and we turn everything around.

We work with a lot of stylists before the show; some don’t know how long it should take to style a model for a fashion show. For example, a model’s shoes might have like 3 or 4 straps, it could take them forever; timing is very crucial…everything happens in seconds. Some people need to know that a fashion show is different from a fashion shoot, where you have as much time as you need. It takes about 30 seconds to get models out one after the other but that’s it.

Under control…

We make shows easy for every designer that we work with, because they have a lot on their minds. As a designer, you are hoping that you sell these clothes, hoping that the models look great to the buyers enough for the press to give you good reviews, so we are always ready to take this stress off you. You don’t need on your mind the details that we can take care of for you; we make sure that the models and the looks are just the way the designer intends it.

High-profile designers…

I have on my website the new top clients that I am presently working with and those I have worked with these past three years some come and they go but we are currently working with the Black Entertainment Television on the ‘Rip The Runway’, which is totally different from the other shows that we do; I’m the co-ordinating producer in the show. We have been doing this for 4 years and we’ve done 5 shows so far. It’s been an amazing and extremely popular show with over a million viewers.

Ground crew fever…

In the beginning most of my clients were women, the male clients didn’t use us as much as the women did. A woman hired us to do a show for Saks 5th avenue, we did the show and she was simply amazed. After this we did the show for for Donna Karan who liked what we did, then we did Bill Blass… Bill told Oscar de la Renta, Oscar told Caroline Herrera, and that’s how we got our reputation. We do our jobs and do them right whether you are big, small, just starting out. Our supervisors are always half an hour earlier, and we stay longer than we charge you for. We guarantee you nothing will be missing and that everybody you hire will definitely show up. We always hire more people than you expect or pay for, because you know people always come up with different excuses for why they are late or don’t even show up at all.

We love what we do, we have a passion for fashion and most importantly, we just do it with love. We have a prayer before every show…hoping that the show will be the very best show the designer has ever had; we care about our designers and want for them the best. Though we have a lot of competition out there and they are much less expensive than we are, still we keep getting higher and people keep hiring us…we are not millionaires but we are more than millionaires.

Audrey Audrey Audrey…

Every designer has someone they can rely on…as for Donna Karan, she knows I am always there. My presence is always felt, whether she spoke to me or not before any show, she never has to worry. In the 26 years I have been with her, she knows the job was always done just the way she wants it. From London to Milan, I have been with her all the way and she constantly tells everyone how she feels about me and how I get my job done. Now I am not at shows anymore, there are other fantastic ladies I send to work with these designers…so, it’s not just about me anymore. These designers are still rest assured that everything is going to be just great; you see the ground crew and you know you have nothing to worry about. I always tell them when I meet with them, ‘Don’t worry, you have enough on your mind…we’ll take care of everything for you’. We give you more than you anticipate…more than you ever dreamed of…we never do LESS, we do MORE…One guy said we are very spiritual…That’s the difference…our ingredient is LOVE. We keep getting new clients, because someone’s there to say, ‘I worked with Audrey 10 years ago…20 years ago, you should hire the Ground Crew’…so good word does get around.

Memorable moments…

‘Oh, I have many of those…the good, the bad and the ugly…’ Many times models have fallen on the runway, music has stopped, lights have gone out but the show does go on…just keep it moving. At the Isaac Mizrahi show many years ago, the lights went out, but thank God, I was not in charge of the lights…it was another production company that was. The photographers who were there had to turn on the lights to their cameras to work and get great pictures. I also did this show where the music stopped, but still sent the models out without any music…I told those girls, ‘I don’t care what you do…you better hear the music in your head and work that runway like the music is the most fantastic music you ever heard…’ We also have girls whose heels have broken on the runway, shoes come off, and earrings fall off…the show goes on. One time we had this show with Bill Blass, and about 4 models didn’t show up less than an hour before show time, so we had to rearrange the entire show…he couldn’t believe we could pull off that show with four less models, he just couldn’t stop thanking us…the show goes on.

In 1987 right on the Hudson river, in Harlem I had the most amazing show ever; it was outdoor…I had all black designers and designers from Africa and it was incredible. 3,000 people showed up… it was just beautiful. The show was called ‘Harlem On The Hudson’. I have traveled with Mercedes Benz doing fashion shows all over the United States; I also opened up for Ray Charles in 1999; promoting Mercedes Benz cars. We do all kinds of interesting shows… I did a show once in Jamaica where it started to rain…we knew it was going to rain and we tried to rush it, but these models were taking their time on that runway…we walked the runway through the pouring rain and it was one of the most beautiful shows I’d ever seen. ‘The show must go on…what’s a little rain?’ (laughs)

Fashion shows slip-ups…

The commonest mistake that designers make is that they don’t realize that they need to have a ‘run-off’ show; also that they need a photograph of the model along with the clothes that she’ll be wearing so that people will know, they don’t know how to line up a show. They don’t realize that when you use model number 1 you can’t use that same model until at least model number 10, 11 or 12 goes out; you can’t make her model number 6 because there’s just about 3 or 4 models between them, so if you are having a big show you have to do a lot of spacing. And the only way we know how to do things is the right way

The Woman with a view…

While freelancing for Vogue magazine, I wrote a column for Vogue in 1978. Before this time, they didn’t have anything for black women, so I presented a one page proposal called ‘Beauty From A Black Woman’s Point-Of-View’… I’ll never forget this…it was 1984, and I did a whole story on Vanessa Williams, who that year became Ms. America. When the magazine came out in September she was crowned Ms. America that same month, but I had this story way back in July. I just knew that this girl had something special…It was like heaven-sent; I knew she was going to be a star, and I was not wrong. For the story I did on black women, I interviewed different people; Aretha Franklin and we talked about black beauty and much more. I’ve done shows in Ivory Coast in 1995, Cote D’ voire, Ghana the next year, I’ve been to Africa for so many shows and that’s how I met Kwevi Quaye…in Senegal. We met 15 years ago and that’s when he started calling me ‘Madam Poisson…’ Everyone in the industry calls me that now.

Oprah, Halle and Michelle…

These are three amazing women with strong personalities and I would dress them in clothes that reflect their celebrity. Halle Berry would look fantastic in a Ralph Lauren for a day wear. Michelle Obama would be amazing in Tracey Reese for day wear and for night wear, either Carolina Herrera, Oscar De La Renta or Valentino (very upscale and sophisticated) I would put Oprah in a Gucci or Valentino (she loves Valentino) I think Valentino knows how to take a woman and make her look absolutely pretty. Caroline Herrera, Oscar De La Renta knows how to do it… very few designers know how to really do it. Also, Michelle Obama will look good in a sophisticated Donna Karan for evening too. She’s got butt and Donna Karan’s got a big butt too; the trick to knowing designers that can make you clothes to fit you like a glove is to know how the designer herself looks, ‘Does she look like me…If she’s tall, she’ll hook me up with my perfect fit…if she looks nothing like me, I can’t wear her outfit’. But with Karl Lagerfield, he just knows how to dress the world…

Nigerian Designers…

I’d love to come to Nigeria to show the designers (in a week) the total production of a fashion show, fashion shoot, and a fashion video. I never teach any designer how to design; all I do is teach you all that goes into the production of amazing shows that will definitely help you sell your creations. Plus, I can’t wait to be at the Pink Ball this month…fun fun fun.

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“We have come to bury ‘Hard Work’ not to praise him, but praise him I must. Hard Work was a good man, but I must say here that I told him so. I warned him that he was a dying breed - that no one worked that way anymore and that he would soon join so many of those we see buried here in this very cemetery ( ‘See…they cannot even afford to be buried in decent cemeteries V. 1st class G,’ he thought in his mind)

‘I warned him that good man though he was, ‘good’ is only a figment of your imagination. The rule of the ‘rat race’ is that you are as good as you say you are. I warned him…I warned him…

Mr Marketer broke down in tears. Mr ‘I.T’ came to Mr Marketer’s side and with his arm around Mr Marketer’s shoulders, he began, “Mr Hard Work was more than a friend to me, after all he was here all day, and most of the night. And how much closer can you be than spend 18 out of every 24 hours with anyone. But then, even I warned. I told him that I.T had made life much easier, but he always wanted to do things the hardest way. He insisted on ‘back-ups’ to all our discs… (Who does that these days?) He insisted on ‘hard copies’ to all our files stating that our systems were always crashing or hanging. I told him that no one looked in the archives for anything older than one year or even one month, but he insisted, “What if this…?” “What if that…?” We warned him that the world no longer went round in circles but that life zooms on ahead at the speed of light and that all is left in its trail. We told him that to keep up, you could not continually look back and tidy your roots. But he did not listen. We warned that he was a dying breed”

“And what can I add to what my colleagues have said,” Ms Computerised HR began… “He always said you shouldn’t throw out the baby with the bath water and I always told him those were the days when there was a scarcity of babies. Now for every baby you throw out you can get 10 to replace it, so what’s the big deal? I always told him he took things to heart too much and I think that’s what finally killed him - a broken heart.

“I warned him that the new corporate order was about results - how much, not how well…. and he never seemed to understand.” She looked round at the others with tears in her eyes… “Though we tried to keep it hidden, you all probably knew there was a thing between us, but those his ideals kept getting in the way. If only he relaxed a little bit more and let me take care of him, perhaps he’d have been alive today.”

I don’t know about you but I feel we buried ‘Hard Work’ a long time ago in this country and I mean real hard work…

These days everyone claims to be working hard but less is getting done.

People stay in offices till 10 pm, as if how late you stay is the measure of success.

Marketers zoom around the clubs, churches, mosques and bars, and arrive back in their offices fulfilled at having done a hard day’s work and indeed their balance sheets appear to confirm it.

Memos are not written and are not read… after all we’re building a paperless culture and too many meetings are held for there to be any minutes of any.

Indeed the general picture I get is what do you need documentation for anyway! The reading culture is dying and also will soon be buried in an age where television and video provide heavy visual and sensual stimuli in replacement of stimuli to the brain and imagination that books used to provide.

Record keeping is a thing of the ancient past - all in the guise of computerization etc. etc. Have you ever tried to find something that was in anyone’s ‘system’ six months ago? Do archives and stores even exist in corporate office plans anymore? Forgive me, I am not knocking computerization in any way, but where it was imported from, they store information and dates accurately and safely. Here we did not buy the software on ‘safe storage’. Where it was bought, libraries and visual matter still exist, but here the computer seems to be a substitute for every type of printed matter.

The marketer is so busy making his next sale that he doesn’t have time to file the documentation on his last one, so God help you if you are the last sale and you have a problem with your purchase.

A few departments are left with some hard work - usually they’re called ‘back offices’ - but with all the ‘razzmatazz’ of the ‘front offices’, they just wonder what they are doing there and naturally that affects the quality of their work.

Perhaps we’ve never thought through the damage this culture may eventually do. Imagine a hospital with no record of it’s patients blood group (the file is lost or the computer crashed), a manufacturer with no record of the combination of the last safe he sold, a bank with no evidence of its customer’s title documents, an oil company with no record of the depth of the last oil well it drilled, a university with no record of some students’ answer sheets (believe me that is already happening), a WAEC that has lost all previous years results, a telecommunications company that has no record of your stolen phone line (and that I can tell you is also already happening!)

Funny though these situations may seem, they are not unconnected to the death of Mr Hard Work. A lot of the things that make life go smoothly are sheer hard work - no glamour, no flourish, no praise, no fanfare; just hard work!

Filing, backing up, keeping records is hard work which as a service provider you owe your customer. Wrong attitudes and poor service should not be tolerated by any employer and customers themselves should begin to exercise real democracy and shout (if necessary), insist, and object vigorously till they get good service. We’re a selling and buying country, sellers must be taught to provide after sales service for every service they provide, perhaps not every service requires records of 20 years but there are some reasonable information you should be able to provide your customer within a reasonable time of it being needed.

Some of the repair work this country needs is deep… real deep.

I’m ready to do some real deep spring cleaning. Are you ready to give it a try? We’ve really got to restore values to this country!

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Be specific

The first step to getting what you want is to describe it in terms of what, who, when, where and how (or how much).

Visualize

The second step to getting what you want is to be able to (literally and figuratively) see, hear, feel, taste, and touch what it’s all about. It’s especially important to have a clear visual image of what you want to be, do or have. To gain one, you might collect examples of what you want or draw pictures of what you want or cut out pictures of it (magazines, newspapers, and even catalogs are good resources). If you’re not exactly sure of what you want, identify component part or pieces.

Even when the picture is not complete, it’s a beginning. From the image you can begin making time, space and other circumstances more and more of a reality.

Becoming totally focused

The third step to getting what you want is to make this goal your major overriding activity and don’t let anything or anyone get in your way. Become obsessed with getting or achieving what you want. Too often women let everyday chores and errands, other people’s desires and ongoing commitments and just plain life get in the way of their doing what they want. Don’t let this happen. If you want something enough, then you have to make it happen. “Being possessed” doesn’t have to last forever, just until you get it. That’s what it takes.

Be Positive

The fourth step to getting what you want is to be positive and enjoy what you do. Think about all the satisfaction of doing it, not the difficulties (although there will be those too). Be convinced of your future success. Give up all activities and all attitude that will impede your progress. When you hit a roadblock, don’t give up but rather find ways to overcome the problem. On down days say to your self, “even if I’m not accomplishing a lot today, I’m still doing something. Everybody hits a wall sometime. It won’t last forever. Tomorrow will be better”. Therefore your new positive approach should be very active and enthusiastic. Talk to yourself everyday about how excited you are about doing what you want to do.

Develop a plan of action with due dates

The fifth step in getting what you want is to develop an action plan, which is really nothing more than a series of ‘to do’ lists with due dates attached to the items. Be realistic about time and note them on your calendar.

Persist

In his book Peter McWilliams asks, “ How do you know how much work is required?” His answer: “When you have what you want. That’s when it’s enough. Until you’ve got it, it’s not enough”.

Be Grateful

Most of us are already blessed with more than we need in material things, loving family members, and wonderful friends. It’s healthy to be responsible and seek out what we want, but it’s also important to be thankful for what we already have. Every day stop for a moment to appreciate something beautiful, something delightful, something touching or someone wonderful.

Kate Henshaw Nuttal is crazy about shoes. She simply adores exquisite heels. “I’ve got big feet, so it’s a bit difficult getting my shoe size in beautiful designs, so I covet every lovely pair I lay my eyes on.” She’s also got a thing for perfumes. “I love Joe Malone; and I can die for Cartier.” She’s like the girl next door – fun, clever, charming, and unfeigned.
Eleven years ago a sweet-faced Kate stared at us on our screens. We fell in love with her charming smile and young, girlie persona. She was the new kid on the Nollywood scene. It was a movie titled When The Sunset; there she had her first on-screen kiss with actor Bob Manuel Udokwu. Kate, the face of ONGA seasoning is having the time of her life as she celebrates her recent award at AMAA. The talented mother of one is strutting the red carpet, living the famed life, and stepping up her game…this diva is definitely unstoppable!

- Joy Isi Bewaji